Wake Up Call.....Hopefully

The other day I went to the doctor for my annual pap smear.  I got the schock of my life.  My daughter is currently 20 months and during that time I have managed to gain 50 pounds. I was so depressed and upset.  I knew I had gained weight but I din't think it had been that much, or it could be that  I was in denial or a little of both I suppose. Bottom line though is that my weight is way out of control.

I started to think about how simple things like tying my shoes or getting on my socks is a difficult job now.  How out of breath I get doing simply things like tying my shoes. I am always tired. Which was partly do to having a baby again, but not all of it came from that.  It comes from carry all of this extra weight around.

Maybe I am blessed or cursed.  For the moment I do not have health issues that morbid obsese people usually have.  My blood pressure is great, no diabetes, etc. Blessed because I have my health cursed because I don't have a understanding of the dangers of being overweight since my health is still good. However, I'm no fool and know that sooner or later it is going to catch up with me.  And honestly I don't want to get to that point. Do I really want to enter my 40's in a couple of years this over weight or even more over weight?  Not really.

So, I have this self-pity party that I normally do when I get depressed. This is the heaviest that I have been in my entire life. I have two beautiful girls that I want to see grow-up and see any grandchildren that I may have someday in the furture. What the hell is wrong with me? Why don't I want to lose the weight?  Why don't I have the drive and determination to lose weight?  What can't I do this if not for me how about for my girls?  Do I have to stoke out or nearly die to make the changes in my life?

Honestly, I really truly have a lot to live for, but you wouldn't know that by the way I eat.  Sometimes I think that I am slowly killing myself with food in away. Not that I want to die, but I am addicted to food and the hard part is that I have to continue to eat in order to live, so it's not like I can stop eating. No, I have to learn how to eat healthy and relieve my stress in a more healthy manner.

But how is the question.  It has to be a way that is going to work for me.....and more importantly I am going to have to want it and I mean really really truly want it.